Ever had your palm scratched by a man’s finger?

 --Didn’t think so.

The infamous “finger scratch,” as we, or I, like to call it here in Uganda, is the discreet but direct way that a man lets you know he wants you. We were warned about it during our training and I briefly remember it in Kenya but had never really experienced it. But then I did, and my confusion with men only continued to grow.

It all started one day when I went with my workmates for a routine home visit. We were headed to the local prison to see our clients and I was following the footsteps of my mama workmate as I was unsure how to be in such an environment like a male prison. She began to greet and shake the hands and I therefore followed suit. Unexpectedly, of course, the first hand I shook gave me a violating scratch on my palm with his finger. When I tried to immediately pull away, he refused and held on tight as he gave me his eyes. I didn’t know how to react given the circumstances, and therefore I just turned my head and yanked my hand away. The remainder of the meeting was tainted and I could not focus on what was being done or said, in addition to the talk being conducted in Acoli, and I just sat uncomfortably as my nails cut into my palms from my fist clenching so tightly. It was weird how much that little finger-gesture physically disturbed me, but boy—it sure did. I could feel that scratch hours afterward and all I wanted to do was wash my hands with bleach. I tried talking to my male workmates about it but that quickly proved to be pointless. Although one was trying to understand it from my view, the other simply laughed and said, “Eh, that is not a challenge.” Bi—if only I were in America.

It again happened about a month later, when I was walking back to work from lunch. I saw a guy walking toward my path and slowed his pace to meet mine. He greeted me and seemed nice enough and I greeted back and took his extended hand to shake. Then all the sudden, he too gave me the finger scratch and clenched my hand tightly. I was immediately pissed off, and said, “No” very sternly and yanked my hand away as we passed a group of people. I put distance between us and the guy became very sorry and kept saying, “No its ok, its ok, what’s wrong?” Again, I wasn’t sure what the appropriate response was given I stand out like a sore thumb in this environment and also being that I am a female. I just kept quiet and continued walking as he tried to make small talk with me. Turns out this turd was 17 years old. Seventeen years old and he was already thinking he could do whatever he wanted to any woman walking on the road. And again, I was physically disturbed and emotionally ready to punch his face off. Of course, he followed me all the way to work asking me pointless questions and then I was finally free. This time around, I decided to consult my female workmates about this disgusting and persistent finger scratch, and the difference between men and women is clearly illustrated below:

Ugandan female 1: “Eh, me, Jose. When they scratch my hand, me, I slap. ‘PAH!’ Like that,” waving the back of her hand in the air, laughing at her behavior.

Me- “Yes! So it bothers you too?”

Ugandan female 1: “Me, I don’t like. I don’t have time for nonsense. Ever since I was young, I have been fighting them. Eh, I SLAP them. ‘PAH! PAH!’”

Ugandan male 1: Laughing, “Eh, Jose. Why do you get upset? It is just the nature of greeting you.”

Me- “No its not! Would you greet me like that?!”

Ugandan male 1- laughs only.

Ugandan female 1- “Yes, would you greet her like that? No. Jose, has anyone from the office greeted you like that? No. Because tis bad.”

Ugandan mama: The smile stops and her face becomes hard. “When men try that with me, I slap. ‘PAH!’ I just slap, ‘PAH!’ One time, I greeted a teacher we were working with, and he pet my arm up and down and I just went, ‘PAH!’, I slapped him. And then another time, a police officer did the same, and I went, ‘PAH!!’, I slapped him in front of everybody. I don’t care. They don’t need to be touching me. It is not ok.” All of this said with the meanest, serious looking face ever from a mama. “When they do that to you, Jose, you say, ‘Why do you do that? What for? What are you trying to do?’ You don’t let them do that. You cannot slap them but you question them in front of others to embarrass them, they know they should not be doing that to you.”

Ugandan men- Silent.

Me to last female workmate- “What do you do?”

Ugandan female 2- “Me? I slap,” said so matter-of-factly and obvious.

It hasn’t happened since and therefore I haven’t been tempted to pop one of these fools in their face. It does of course illuminate and prove just how amazing women here are and how strong they have to be on a daily basis to put up will bullish like that.