Ace Ventura, When Nature Calls.

I am truly starting to believe that Uganda, and perhaps afrika in general, has a weird effect on animals. Perchance it is the different climate and environment in which they grow up, but I am noticing the animals we share in common act quite differently than what I am used to from home. For example, the roosters. Isn’t it their sole purpose and a known fact that they crow only at the break of dawn, to simply wake humans up so that they may start their day? And that they do not start at 230am and continue throughout the morning and the day in its entirety? I mean, how am I supposed to know when to wake up if you start crowing at 230am and continue throughout the night? What the shit is that, seriously? Whoever informed the roosters on their purpose here in Afrika was playing a cruel joke on the continent and its people. The fact that they are woken up by 230 and cannot start their day until the sun rises at 7am with no electricity, that is just inhumane. Somebody should shoot those roosters.

And lizards. Those little beezies are practical jokers here. Just about every morning I open my door to leave for work, and a lizard falls down right beside me, always just somehow missing my head. It’s like when you set a bucket of water or flour on top of the door so that when someone opens it, it spills all over them. But the lizards just do it with their bodies. And the way the geckos climb the wall and stop to have a staring contest with you. They like to mess with your mind.

And goats, man. Those mothers are ADORABLE here. It could very well be that I just never came across or paid much attention to them in the states, but everytime I see one here I think to myself, “That should be my pet.” They are so ridiculously uncoordinated and cute, and it is hilarious to watch them run or fight and head bunt each other on the side of the road. The downside to the goats is their weird resemblance to human voice. They literally sound like grown men calling for help. Case in point, the first weekend I was staying in my house, I woke up to what I thought was someone moaning in agony and crying out, “HELP!! HELP”. As it was 2am there was no way in hell I was getting out of my compound, my house or even my bed, so I waited for someone to come to the person’s rescue. But, it never happened. And for a good 1-2 hours, I listened to what I thought was a person dying. I later talked to my neighbors about it who said, “It was probably just the goats.” And I thought to myself…ya ok, cause that’s plausible. However, ever night thereafter I have heard the same noise and realized that it is in fact the goats, and have accepted the fact that I was wrong.

And cows seem to have some ulterior motives formulating in their head. Again, could very well be that I never socialized much with farm animals such as a cow. But with their humongous horns and those evil eyes that lock on you when they pass, as they slowly chomp their grass and flick their tail, its like they’re playing chicken with you, just waiting for the opportune moment to charge your ass. Side note, my friend here actually got knocked by a cow. We passed the cows every morning on our walk to and fro school, and they sometimes like to stand on our path and tempt us to continue or find an alternate route in the bush. And one day my friend thought she was in the clear but got dominated by the cow’s head. Another friend caught her in the air and somehow pushed the cow out of the way, but ya. The cows are demons beezies.

Spiders, surprisingly, not so creepy. Actually comforting because you know they are killing some more serious creatures that roam your joint. Jumping spiders are everywhere here. And back in the states they used to terrify me but here they are like little homies. They don’t disturb you, but just jump along while they’re on their merry way. Most spiders I find here are like that, super chill. But not those bright green/purple  stripped legged one that I found on my porch. Those colorful and poisonous little buggers are scary as eff. I don’t play with those ones. They look mean, just chilling on my close line for 2 days straight. Little shits. And if I catch one in mi casa, its on.

Cock Roaches. Also a creature I was never really familiar with until Afrika but am getting more used. Here, those gigantic creepy crawlers play dead. No joke. I’m not sure if they do that in the states as well, but they can sense when you see them or when you’re entering a room. Cause as soon as my eyes fall on it, BAM. Its frozen on its back with its legs dangling. So you think its dead, and go about your merry way or perhaps go to find a trash bag to bury the thing in. And as soon as you turn your back, you can hear their legs scramble to get back up and find the nearest exit. And then you turn and look at it and BAM, it freezes in its tracks again. And they’re like a cat with 9 lives. You can’t just stomp on them once, you literally have to stomp until you hear a pop and see that they are squished. Oh, and, they can hold their breath for a ridiculous amount of time. As you may have read before, I left one in a ziplocked bag from 7am-6pm, and when I came home he was still trying to figure a way out. And the air was still filled in the bag, so there was no way he was getting any oxygen. I dunno, steroids maybe?

Thankfully I have nothing to add on scorpions, as I have not seen a scorpion since my second siting the first week at site. We are entering the dry season, though, and my workmates keep saying that is when they come out. So, I am on alert. But, I did see my first snake in Uganda. I opened up my door, once again punked by a lizard who made me jump back in my house as he fell beside me, and then I saw something bright green and about 2-3 feet long fall from my bench. As I was already shocked from the lizard falling, I could not move an inch. I just saw the snake fall from the bench, gather its body and slither off the stoop and back in the grass. I was paralyzed by fear but could still only think, man, I hope I can get a picture of that before it hides! Sadly, and probably luckily, it did get away by the time I came back outside. And then I really realized what just happened, that there was a snake chillin on my porch and I was 1 foot away from it. I researched snakes in Uganda, and it is either a tree snake (which Aubrey thinks it is, and that her neighbors say they aren’t poisonous) or it is a green mamba—poisonous. Apparently, the green mamba is only in Kenya a Tanzania, says Wikipedia. But, I’ve heard others say they are in Uganda, along with the deadly black mamba, and are poisonous. The picture I saw looked like my snake, so, I’m not sure what it was. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the non-poisonous tree snake. We shall see.

PS, have you ever seen donkeys fight? Cause I saw it in the road the other day. There was a group or herd or whatever you call it, chillin in the middle of the road. As they went to scatter, they started bumping each other and apparently in donkey world, that shit ain’t cool. Cause all the sudden this one donkey jumped on its forelegs in the handstand position and started kicking his hind legs at the other donkey’s head. And then, lol, the victimized donkey chased after the bucking donkey and kept trying bite his tail/butt. LOL, I remember biting my lip from laughing at it, cause I knew I was just gunna look like the silly munu who thinks Afrika is funny. And now I know where Keysha got that stupid exercise from, where we balanced on our hands and kicked out legs up and out, “donkey kicks”…psh.

Outside of animals, another glorious thing about Uganda is its lovely transport system. Aka, horrible and deathly transport system. I won’t even bother mentioning the vehicles as I am still amazed at how they are able to make a 1970s POS cars still run on these horrible excuse of roads. But yes, the roads. Here up north, there are no paved roads. In Kitgum town, there are some tarmacs, but that is just for the businesses. As soon as you leave the streets of town, its all dirt baby. And holey. And bumpy. And narrow. And, scary as EFF. The somehow paved dirt road is really only wide enough for one car, but sometimes you get lucky where a stretch will allow two cars to pass without much adjustment on either ends. Usually, however, one car has to shift to the side and wait for the other to pass. Its like the road to Hanna, only theres not a cliff (usually) on the other side. Instead, there are trenches which I assume are for the flooding rain water to collect and hopefully stay off the road—but who are we kidding, that never works. So, often times, you shift to the ditch so the other can pass. But when you’re in a huge bus and its raining, sometimes shifting to the side ain’t so easy. Cause one time we tipped a bit and I thought I was over. And now every time we slant, I grab the person next to me in fear. And the “paved” dirt is not really paved. Rather, its holey and bumpy the whole way, and it literally feels like you’re driving with Ace Ventura in “When Nature Calls”, as he’s driving on the smooth tarmac road but bouncing all around like it’s the bush. Ya, well, that’s how we are 24/7 on the road. It hurts your insides and really hurts your tatas. But, the other day, we were coming home from the field and driving along the usual rollercoaster road, I had a box on my lap and was holding it down as the backseat was filled. So, I wasn’t using my hands to hold on to anything and keep me steady. Clearly Paul was not paying attention cause all of the sudden I hear a BOP BOP BOP and I feel my ass leave my seat and my head hit the ceiling of the car, THREE TIMES. That is not an exaggeration in the slightest. I literally got air three times and was only stopped at three by the gracious hand of Racbedo Richard that palmed ever so strongly the top of my head to prevent me from sailing up again. All I could do was laugh at what just happened because I did not understand. I held on to Richards for a minute, as I tried to piece it all together. My friend Mikael was with us and cracking up, and I said, “What, you didn’t bounce?” She answered, “Yes I did but not that high. I saw you and thought to myself, why is she bouncing so high?” I could not stop laughing for like 30 minutes, it was one of those crying laughs where you can’t say one word cause you’re laughing so hard. Richard goes, “Jose, why did you bounce higher than us? Is it that you aren’t as heavy as us (said with sarcasm as I am the biggest in the car)? You bounced like a ball.” That too set my laughter off even harder. It was effing hilarious and I wish you all could have seen it.

Ah, my life is good. It’s really hot and constant swamp-A, but its really good. I just got a nother package from my mama today, loaded with goodies. Cant wait to dig in!!

If you don’t hear from me before then, Happy Holidays!! Miss you all terribly and will be sad without you on this holiday season. Love yous.

Merry Christmass to all, and to all a good night!! Happy 2012!

WARNING: this post is long. been a while.

ecember 1, 2011. My first participation in World AIDS Day Celebration. In Uganda. Could it get any better? I’ll answer it for you: Nope.

So, my district had organized the celebration to be in the sub-county Mucwini and different organizations and schools participated by performing songs, dances or dramas. My favorite and the best of the entire day came from my fellow PCV’s school. He, Russ, works at a disabled children’s school where the majority of students are deaf. They put together a drama where they acted out a story thru sign language that was translated in Acoli…hence, I didn’t know exactly what was being said. But, these kids were so brillant and accurately conveyed their HIV-AIDS awareness message to the crowd and provided many, many laughs. There were also some traditional dances by the school kids that are always fun to watch. They vary in dance and beat but usually have the girls dancing against the boys drumming to simulate a type of courtship. I really wish I had charged my camera enough to record, cause it was really neat to watch. The primary schools did it before the secondary schools, and it was interesting to see the difference of how the different ages and genders interacted with each other. But very, very cool. I have a few pix that hopefully gives a brief idea of what I’m talking about.

My organization came with our community volunteers who sang a song for the performance. The volunteers help mobilize when we do VCT and usually perform a drama for entertainment, encouragement and education for villagers. Usually when we go into the field, there will be about 10 people, usually women, who mobilize by circling the village while singing songs and beating drums, with the frequent high pitched ululation (don’t worry, I captured that on film and will definitely share). But for World AIDS day, everyone participated in mobilizing. And it was super cool. All of the organizations and schools formed two single file lines that were led by a small band and marched around the village to call for the locals for VCT. At first, I was like, ugh why do we all have to do it. But, it was freaking neat. Everyone was walking and bopping to the beat, which I was nervous to do because my white ass stuck out and I didn’t want anyone making fun of me, but after about 4 minutes you just can’t help it and start walking with a strut. The older women continued their excitement through their “Ai-yai-yai-yai-yaiiiiiiiiii” every few seconds and everyone was just super involved. My friend Mikael, a fellow PCV in Kitgum and closest neighbor, was with me and we were just laughing the whole time. Sounds SUPER lame and cliché, but, I totally felt the spirit of the event during the walk. All the villagers came out of their homes and shops to see what was going on and everyone was very into the mobilization. Sadly, the event got a little less spiritual after that. Although the dramas, songs and dances were awesome to watch, Ugandans man, they sure do love to talk in the microphone. And say the same thing the person before them said, with the same facts, statistics and solutions to problems. And, they thank all the same people. Every time anyone talks, the same 5 people get thanked. It just ruined the performances and made the event seem too long and drawn out and screamed of a legacy of conditioned formality imposed on them by colonization—but, I digress. Outside of that, it was super neat and I am so glad that I was able to be a part of it.

At work I have been helping my workmate, and self-assigned counterpart, Racbedo Richard. You guys wanna know what Racbedo means? Rac means bad and bedo means to stay. So, my favorite workmate is named “stay bad”. I asked him how he aquired such a name and he explained that he was born at a time of struggle and conflict, and therefore his parents named him accordingly. Richard said, with some chuckles, “I think I am the only one in the world called Racbedo, so I am thankful to my father.”  The Acoli name their youth according to the time they were born. If they were born in a time of poverty, wealth, if their mother was chased away by her husband (yes, that is true. My workmake Winnie is named Aryemo Winnie because there was some conflict and her father chased her mother away while she was pregnant)…you get the picture. It is actually quite neat and interesting to see how people are named and just how much they live up to their names. My workmate Freddy is named Anywar, which means to disturb, and he totally lives up to his name. He’s the office joker and is always poking fun with people. But ya, that is how I got my name. I explained I was a surprise and that I was spoiled rotten by my family and was therefore name, Lamara, the most loved.

Anyway. Work has been pretty good. I’ve been assigned to working with Richard on data entry and our M&E program. I have no idea about monitoring and evaluating, but hopefully I’ll figure it out. I’ve also been going into the field with Richard and Mariana for VCT. The first time I went, Marianna handed me a piece of paper and said, “Here, you do this. I’ll show you how to do it. Here, is the date: you write the date. Here, is the client’s name: you write the client’s name” and proceeded to “teach” me how to do the work. “Yes, Marianna, I get that. How do I ask all of the questions in Acoli?” …chirp…chirp…(if you couldn’t hear it, that’s crickets of silence). Ya. So, I got reassigned to registration where it was less Acoli. But still intimidating and nerve-wracking. The first day at it sucked, because my pronunciation was (and is) still off and I’m not too confident. Some were nice, until the town drunk decided to come sit on top of me and disturb me. That was super frustrating, as he insisted he “needed” me and that I take him to America. The locals laughed at him, which only egged him on and my workmates did not understand my eye-brow communication when I tried to say, get this mother away from me. I thought I was getting pretty fluent in the eye-brow communication, but I thought wrong. Here, Ugandans are able to use non-verbal communication by just raising their eye brows or pushing out their lips. The lip thing is beyond me and fortunately not common up north (from what I can see anyway, maybe it is there), but the eye brow thing I thought I was starting to understand. But no, and my workmates waited about 30 minutes to get homie off my lap. But, I am happy to say after that discouraging trial run, the field has gotten better and my Acoli is approving. I am able to hear the villagers a little more when they speed whisper their names and answers and I am becoming more confident when I speak. So, I’ve been enjoying the field.

I also get a little daily practice on my walk to and from work. They are doing some construction/plumbing in town, so since I have moved in I have had workers all around me. When I first walked up the hill (I have a steep ass hill right by my house that I have to hike multiple times a day, and it sadly does not get easier the more I do it), I saw all the men and thought, oh great. I gotta walk up this hill, all sweaty, red and panting out of breath with these fools waiting to disturb me. But, I said a small apwoyo (thank you, which is a go to in any situation, I shall discuss later) and they have become my buddies. They get a kick out of my small Acoli and greet me everyday. Aside from the two asses who tell me to give them money, they are my homies and I look forward to our paths crossing. Sadly, they are finishing the work by my house, so I don’t see them as often.

But back to the Apwoyo. Here, Apwoyo is the go-to word. And it means, Thank you. And you say thank you for EVERYTHING. Let me give you a few examples. When you pass people on the street, greet your workmates in the morning or just basically come into contact with anyone, these are some of the common thanks you give:

Apwoyo coo (thank you for waking)

Apwoyo bino (thank you for coming)

Apwoyo neni (thank you for seeing you)

Apwoyo ba (an all encompassing thank you)

Therefore, when I return to the states, I’m gunna be like, “Thank you for waking up today!...Thank you for showing up!” It doesn’t necessarily translate well. But, is actually pretty neat to think about and interesting to note the differences of our culture compared to theirs. Definitely more people centered and embracing, for sure. 

Mikael and I finally started with our Acoli teacher, who is just the sweetest and most cheerful old man ever. He always has the biggest grin on his face with his chipmunk cheeks. The first day we were supposed to meet, the networks were out so we couldn’t reach each other by phone. So, I rudely went about my evening while my lapwonya (my teacher) came to my compound and waited for me. After an hour or so when I didn’t show up, he left copies of notes he had written up for my guards to give me. You don’t have to say it, cause I felt like an ass on the spot.

For thanksgiving we all met up in Gulu town to celebrate. There were about 50 volunteers who came to our regional celebration and we cooked and feasted at the local Ethiopian restaurant and had an after party at a fellow PCV’s, Michelle, compound. The food was, AMAZING. We had turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green been casserole, salad, roasted pork, macaroni and cheese, pumpkin pie, brownie crumbles, cake, home made bread…ah it was so good. And then we went to Michelle’s and had a bonfire in her compound. It was pretty awesome and everyone was stuffed from delicious American food. It is crazy how much food can really mean to you. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve always had an appreciation for food. I love it. But hot diggity damn, when you don’t have access to everything that is good and that you are used to, it gets to you. The smallest resemblance of home can just make your life. Luckily for me, I haven’t been struggling that much since homestay. My family sends me AWESOME packages loaded with goodies like snickers, cereal and pasta/pesto/artichoke sauce. And, I have some friends who are effing talented at cooking. But, the American celebration with American food was fan-freaking-tastic.

Other than that, I’ve been pretty much chillin. I’m loving my life here and cant believe I’ve been here for 4 months already. Only 1 year and 11 months to go, lol. Its going by so fast, but at the same time, I cannot believe I’ve been gone from my babies for 4 months. I had my first breakdown last week. I was looking at pix of Giada and Coupe, and I just could not believe it. Its hard enough seeing how big and grown Jack and Tru are getting, but at least I got to see them grow up. I’m missing out on a lot with all of them, and its depressing. Those little baybays are so effing beautiful. But, such is life, right? Oh, also. im 25. im a quarter of a century year old. it feels weird.

Sorry this one is kinda long, haven’t written in a while and I guess had more to say than I thought. Miss you all and wish you a happy holiday season. Love yous.